Langley Park fly-in: Commemorating 100 years of Aviation.

(A.K.A. " A Morning with Dame Edna")

Our resident psychopath reports from the scene of the crime.

DATELINE: Perth, Western Australia.

Saturday April 26, 2003.

I made sure that I was in position before 11.00am, when 10 aircraft representing each decade of the twentieth century were due to begin landing at Langley Park. The park is a 3,600ft long flat grassed area wedged in between the Swan River and the start of the high-rise hotel strip along Terrace Road. This location had been chosen for the commemorative fly in because it was the original landing area for aircraft into Perth.

Holding my Olympus "point and shoot" camera, I found a spot right up against the rope fence and about 200 meters from the western end of the park. If I had moved any further east, closer to the touchdown zone, then my camera's puny zoom lens would have been too far from the action as the planes made their final approach over the tops of the palm trees before descending onto the grass.

Thousands had come to watch this unusual event. Many had come with their children in tow, but not me. In spite of my best efforts, my daughter's passion for aviation has so far failed to ignite. Unfortunately for me, I soon discovered that I had parked myself next to a mature lady who was hell bent on giving a non-stop commentary of the action for the benefit of her three-year-old grandson. As the first fleet of vintage planes over flew the strip, I tried to shut out her shrill, nasal tone which was clearly modeled on Dame Edna Everage's irritating vocal delivery.

I had my camera trained on the aircraft as they broke formation and traveled line-astern downwind out over the river. 'Oh look Jason! There's a Tiger Moth!' continued the relentless commentary as a beautifully restored Boeing Stearman turned from base onto it's final approach over the trees to kiss the grass exactly at the touch down zone. (Clearly, to Dame Edna, every vintage biplane was a Tiger Moth.) 'Oh look Jason! That one's got a red nose.!) Jason was far more interested in examining the grass than watching the approaching Texan T6.

The channel 7 news helicopter was hovering over the field, catching the action as the fluky winds caught out some of the smaller, lighter planes as they adjusted their crab-wise flight upwind towards the field of spectators. Even as the chopper shot skyward and turned to get a tracking shot of the approaching aircraft, the sound of its jet turbine was not loud enough to drown out Jason's grandmother's voice. I was beginning to wish that I had armed myself with something more than just a camera. (A heavy, blunt instrument would have come in very handy.)

After all the aircraft had landed and the emergency service vehicles were stood down, it was time for a scaled down replica of the original Wright Flyer to commence its run along the grass strip. This particular aircraft was the brainchild of the Busselton Aero Club.

 When I had seen enough and was ready to go, Dame Edna was still pointing out aircraft to her beloved grandson. 'Oh look here comes a big one!' she cried as she pointed to a Qantas 767 taking off from Perth International Airport over to the east of the city. Did the old trout really think it was going to fly over and land on the grass in front of her? Something had to be done.

I decided to hang around so that I could follow her home. Then when no-one was looking I beat the old bat to death and threw her corpse into the river. I was in a reflective mood as I made my way back home. I had marveled at the sight of all those planes in an unusual setting, so close to the city's CBD. I also marveled at how much my previously volatile temperament had mellowed since I became a father.

Bill Smith.

PS The aerial shot of Langley Park can be found at the  www.westsim.com.au website. It is a screenshot of the Perth City scenery add-on that is due to be released on CD later this year.